In the eyes of the beholder!!!

For those of you who thought i was going to tell you about that Jefferey Archer short story with the same title,well,you are wrong....But the reason why I chose this title is because I want to convey the same thing here.....
A few days back,I was going through an old album of the 1950s... My eyes chanced to see them as I was cleaning out a shelf and what I saw only made me go on from one photo to the next.There my pati and thatha were!Smiling away as newly wedded!Then my thatha's graduation photo...He was extremely smart and looked very young!Just imagine!He was married in a few months after that day!Then my pati...with her traditional looks...Even the other day one of my patti's cousins visited us and he told me..."You know,your pati was the beauty of srirangam those days..."..Yes, I could see that.Her long hair,charming smile,the traditional nose-stud and earrings...slim even after two kids!!Definitely a beauty....(I'll definitely try to scan the photo and put it up here in my blog).My pati was also an AIR artist and lent her voice for tamil dramas...
That left me thinking...Here she was now-weak,unable to move freely,dependent on others to for her every single move!She can't sleep peacefully because she does not feel comfortable in any position and can't turn on her own!She has difficulty in talking,her fingers close on their own,she can't control them as well...they call this the parkinson disease,a problem with the nervous system...But she is no way less to me from what she was a few years back to what she is now!She remains to be the same dear,pati who I can cuddle up to.Her wrinkles have made her softer and more cuddly, her tooth-less(not completely toothless) smile more baby-like,small face making her cuter by the day,and her uncontrollable fingers holding me when i do anything for her..I can feel the trust she has in me as I hold her.She doesn't trust anybody else as much as she trusts me and appa...Ma,you still remain my sweetheart,...I will always come to you for comfort...
The same holds good for my thattha..It's a year since he passed away,but he is always around me...I can literally feel him...when I go to college,when i study and especially when i sing!!He is there...not at all gone... and will remain with me for the years to come...He will live on in the work i do..I will continuously hear him praise me...However,I wish i could remember my healthy thatha...whenever I think about him, only the thatha of his last days-the frail one who can't see me,who can only imagine how i looked,how i was dressed...but he was there,supporting me throughout....
But,beauty definitely lies in the eyes of the beholder!!!They are still beautiful to my eyes....they grow more beautiful day by day with more no. of wrinkles!:)They get older as my grandparents and they are indeed GRAND-PARENTS!!!!

A terrible,terrible day!.

It's been a long day,today-no, not exceeding the 24 hours....but a really really boring day...The past one week hasn't been good at all for me(except the lunch after my last exam at a friend's place....too good...:) )
The same old waking up at 7.45 in the morning because somebody kept calling your name or the knock or sound of the calling bell pushing you out of your dream world into reality.I then spread the newspaper on the floor and squatted, sipping my bournvita...appa was out with some official work.Then I had my bath,watched tv,tried the sudoku and it was finally time for my appointment with the doctor-the monthly check up....All the way i was yapping away to my dad about an exhibition in the city and how i would like to see it...But even as I was narrating it and begging him to take me I was 100% sure that he was not going to and he was making false promises...How well I knew my dad!!
Then I was back home and didn't know what to do...I wanted to make my last day of holidays as eventful as possible,but looking back at the day I could see that i had done nothing exceopt get up,eat and talk...There I was again,watching tv...it wasn't long before my pati complained of a headache and I switched it off with a long face...i sat sulking,hoping that my dad would at least realise how bored i felt...Well,I was right,he did realise, but as usual did nothing about it...Oh,yes...he made one of his Oh!-so-often-heard promises that he would take me out at seven in the evening(and here I am typing away about a uneventful day at eight!).

The horriblest thing(you can see how horrible it is...I can't find a better word!) that can happen to a person is getting bored...in fact,if you wanted to punish a person,you can leave him alone with nothing to do and there he will be,in the verge of tears....well,today I was in tears!

So what am I going to do about it?I can't do anything about today,but definitely I can decide wat i'll do on a later date when i am in a similar situation...what with so many duties to fulfill!so many things to be learnt and so many places to be seen(after all, I am old enough to make my decisions,plan my day and put them in action as well!).... I take it up as a chal;lenge to write about an Oh-so -full-day inthe near future....:)

My pursuit of Jack Higgins books.....lol...really....

These hols i got to read 3 books-one was by James Hadley Chase and the other 2 by Jack higgins....Well,this author was totally unknown to me until I joined the library a few months back and my dad casually asked me what books they had stocked up.....Until then, I was going in for the same Sidney Sheldon,James Chase,Jefferey Archer and the occasional Archie comics..So when my dad asked me about the books I was scratching my chin and tried really hard and said,"Oh!They have magazines like women's era and film fare!!" As you can imagine my father was not very happy with my answer...."What Darshan!!You have joined a library...All you see is a single shelf in that huge library?? See,I don't want you to grow up like me-not knowing anything!!! I learnt many things very late in my life!! So i want you to be perfect and disciplined in whatever you do...",he went on in his usual style of starting a mini-lecture...(oh,it sometimes turns into a maxi-lecture!You never know!!)
And the very next time I went to the library i made it a point to check out what books were available..."There's a whole row of Irving Wallace,Robert Ludlum and they have stocked up P.G.somebody's books......then the usual kid stuff-Enid Blyton,Sweet Valley twins,comics...."With that,I went into a series of old memories...and how I would love to read those books even now,one or two -once in while...
"Ok,check out Jack Higgins...especially The Eagle has Landed and it's sequel...."

So the very next day I returned from the library with a tattered copy(they had only one copy,and that was in the mentioned condition...)of The Eagle has landed and The Eagle has flown.....The titles sounded exciting an that kept me going for a few chapters....The book was on one of my least favorite subjects-WAR...But my dad urged me to go on.The story itself heated up only towards the end-the last 5 or 6 chapters....as soon as I was done with that book,I couldn't keep my hands off its sequel.Then followed two other books....Night of the fox and Cold Harbour.... Now I am successfully 4 books old and I can't wait to read the others...WAR books still remain my least favorite...but i have decided to try anything before I say anything negative...I love the way the author shows both sides of the war...the German side and the British side...His protagonists are all common men who have been dragged into the war...the ironical view they develop towards Life...the end -sufferers....really wonderful!!!
Yes, we should also lean back and give a thought to what a meaningless life we are leading...Life is short,even if it's a hundred years for a happy man,and life is never ending for a man who doesn't enjoy life....The eyes have It!!!(No, I don't want to go into that Ruskin Bond story now...read it for yourself...my blog is long enough!!!:P)

Starting from a library story,I have moved into the plot,the emotions and Life.....Really!I must learn to control my thoughts and focus!!!!!

Who is God???

As I sit here with nothing to do....I have these strange thoughts...well,not everybody thinks this way!!!(wierd,really...)And this is what is running in my mind....Who is God??? For most people ,the moment they close their eyes,the image of their favourite God is what flashes in their minds....But my question is above all that!It's not just the physical appearance of God that I am talking about....it's more of what he does.....
There have been several creative portrayals of God in recent films like God Tussi Great Ho,Thodaa Pyaar Thodaa Magic....where we se the modern God in a suit...
Here's what came to my mind...these small things that ran in my mind...
*Clothes...God's wardrobe must be full of clothes that we have seen so far ,with all the changing trends ,including clothes of every place that He has created(Oh,i can only imagine a He)..right from coats,to Scottish skirts,to Dhotis,Lungis,Bermudas.....everything..and probably all that is yet to be discovered and designed....
*His favourite hobby-Painting....yes,that's just it!!What else can possibly be there?
I see him painting those extra clouds giving that gloomy feel to the Earth when he is in such a mood...or painting the crimson of the beautiful setting sun hiding behind the scarlet clouds...giving a breathtaking and beautiful sky with the radiance outlining the clouds...which makes you think if the sun can hide at all..in a game of hide and seek!!He has painted the green pastures,the beautiful sceneries in several parts of Europe(with a windmill and a dusky background in Holland, green,green everywhere with that oh!so-tidy cottages of the English and the huge tall castles of the Scottish), the busy stretys of New York, a bazaar in India-with all its colours..
*Music- He really is a great creator!! He has created the soul stirring Carnatic music...there are several verses praising Him and they are all rendered beautifully,the Hindustani music that blends with anything and everything!!He has also experimented with a thousand instruments right from the sound of water in a glass in jalatharang to the huge harp that gives out wonderful notes when plucked!
*Dance-Well,we can see for ourselves the different moves...
And at this point,I really started realizing that He has given us sooo many things to relish and enjoy....not only has he created all of them-he has also taught us how we can enjoy the chirping of the birds,gurgling of streams,soul-stirring music....He didn't leave us alone....He gave us friends,parents and a host of several animals and birds....He certainly is the greatest teacher!!!
But hey!Stop there.....he also created bad people...ok,they are not born bad...but look at what's happening around us!!People who cheat,who are greedy for position and money....and the main evil-money!!!Ah!How it can buy you anything in the world and lure you into a trap!But he instilled in people who were meant to be good, values.....he made the bad and the good,yet he gave one money,posts,all the riches and the other,good values,kindness,generosity ,yet little money (in most cases...i don't say the rich are bad!!!)...
Ah! I understood....Just the way Shakespeare(I hope I'm right) said,"All the world's a stage and people,mere actors!"Yes,this is a game,a drama that God is staging.....he likes to see the good and the evil together,test his actors with their skills and hearts!!
Now I see Him,the great director,smiling away at his creation-his huge theatre!!!

Rain,rain shower away!!!!

Now that I have nothing to do, I decided to update my blog......and my topic is the very same thing that has kept me indoors for 2 whole days!!RAIN!!!
Well, this one's been a reaaaaalllllyyy heavy one after a vvvveeerrrryyyy llllooooonnnnggg time!!Madras is literally sinking!!
About the developments and the discomforts this rain has caused-2 of my university exams got postponed(i know i am strange....but think of it this way...at least i wouldn't have had to prepare for it all over again after 2 weeks....The exams would have been over!),the whole area is flooded and there's water up to our hips!!!....anticipating electric shocks and live wires,the people in my apartment complex decided to cut the power....so no power now..(I am at my aunt's place right now....just came over....so don't wonder how I am writing this..).the water has entered the ground floor flats...and those people are draining it away in buckets...they'll have to move to some relative's place at night!!no schools,no colleges....great!!! but no power,no tv,no comp,no music as well!!!!:(
the pluses are few....but i say "rain rain shower away....don't wait till another day" coz when there are no rains also, we complain......
There's just this one problem in Indian cities (at least most Indian cities)-there's no proper drainage system.....otherwise we can enjoy this cool,wet weather...all we need is an umbrella or a rain coat......it's the stagnant water and the diseases it brings with it that are a problem.....

But i have to agree with people that "too much of something good can also be bad"-look at the number of deaths,people going homeless and fields and crops ruined!!!We comment about things from within the four secure walls of our house,but there are people out there,who don't have a single wall to shelter them!!!

All this for happiness!!!!

Of late I have been wondering what life is all about!! Pat comes the reply- Happiness....Atleast that's what most of will say....
But the irony of the whole thing is that at every point in our life we keep worrying about something or the other!
In kinder garden it's about a chocolate or something that the kid next to you has.....in primary school it's about an eraser,or pencil or a video game.....in middle school it's about a school team you would like to get into or that being the initial phase of a teenager's life-about looks (though this continues for most of us..)...then in high school about your studies or about the college or university that you would like to get into or about your secret crush....when the person is done with school, it's about the career options...parents confront you everywhere you go,then there are career counselors who really confuse you....then the competition from your peers.....once you are done with college it's about a job, your future...then secure financially???time to select your life partner(this has to be right!! :P)...then about your kids..what they will do next....ultimately like every other parent you end up either planning their life or worry sick about their decisions....so this cycle goes on and on.......

Now I ask you what you do all this for,why do you need money...a life partner...kids....and once again the reply comes immediately!!! "HAPPINESS IN LIFE".....

After all this you think I'm going to disagree???No.Not at all....I totally agree that all this IS for happiness.....

Now consider this....
In kinder garden you are given a chocolate..the amount of pleasure that you derive in devouring it(and making the kid next to you cry!!)-not measurable....
in primary school you are got the latest pencil or video game you wanted!!How you go about boasting about it to everybody you see!!!
In school you are popular.....real popular...well, there is no comparison at all to your happiness....
You get into the university or college you wanted....may be you are not leading in class...but the happiness ,that elated feeling when you are with your friends...that special bond you develop with a select few...that is a beautiful feeling....that feeling that tells you that whatever goes wrong in your day will be compensated by the joy of being with your friends.....

Getting a job and giving your first salary to your parents....silently promising them that you will be able to support them from then on and reassuring them that their hard work has indeed borne some fruit.....The beautiful feeling called love that you feel with a person outside your family and finally bringing them into your family by tying the knot.....The joy of seeing your own baby...the way he or she cuddles up to you, holds your one finger with utmost trust....and bringing up the li'l one hoping that your hard work will bear fruits....the tiniest pleasures of his or her achievements.....

Now tell me-it is for these pleasures-however small they may be.....that you live life without considering the other option-death..... of course,there are those who don't realize this.....let's hope they do find out at some point of their lives,before it's too late.............

Today I was thinking about how superstitious I was..........and how I believed in luck and lucky charms......

If I feel I didn't do an exam properly or if my day wasn't good,I don't wear the same dress or watch or even slippers on a day when i want everything to go right!!I have a friend who is equally superstitious and wears only green to all examinations!!! So my opinion????Be superstitious-after all,it makes you feel good!!! You get to blame your dress or your watch when you do something wrong!!!I write only with my lucky pen,take only a particular bag or pouch,not because they are going to help me in my exams,but to be cheerful!!!I like to have the feeling that I am going to be lucky,and somehow the day goes well!!!

Apart from clothes I also believe in certain sayings and beliefs......I don't gift my friends key chains as they say the friendship won't last....not that we are going to be enemies the very next day....but it makes me feel good......(of course,accepting key chains is a different issue-i wouldn't want to hurt my friends!!!).I always sit down,drink some water and go out if i trip and fall on my way out somewhere or if somebody asks me where I am going.....after all,in what way is that going to affect me???It's going to take a few seconds extra!!!The same holds good if a cat crosses my path....

So to all those of you who are superstitious about things-don't worry you've got company and you are only doing something that's going to make you feel good......and to the rest...ask your grandparents or parents -there are scientific explanations behind certain beliefs (I don't say all!!!) and remember we are leading a happy life!!!

my favourite story....

I am God fearing........but sometimes i really wonder if God is really there.....and if yes,why does He give people tough times???

I heard this story later on,which i remember when i feel this way about God.....it's a very sweet story which most of you would have heard....because my friend had already heard it when i told her(so i thought I'll take this precaution...)

There was once a pious old man.he spoke his heart out with god everyday...and pleased God with his devotion that god came in front of him and granted him a wish......The old man was extremely happy and told god that he wanted Him to be with him all the time,throughout his life.God immediately agreed.Wherever the old man went he saw 2 pairs of footprints and was happy to know that God was with him...As the days passed....the old man's health started deteriorating and was extremely weak....One day, as he went out to get some fresh air,he turned around to see if there were two prints,but was surprised and saddened to see only one pair of footprints."Oh God!You promised to stay with me forever.But now I am very old and frail...now you desert me????"
He then heard a voice very close to him...."My man,I never go back on my promises!You are too old and weak to walk.So all this time I was carrying you....It is my footprints that you see!!!!"

So that really gets me back to my senses!!!

the beginning of kaliyug???

Today i came across an article in a magazine about a suicide bombing in Afghanisthan and a break out from the prison at Khandahar(if I am right......).My God!That country and the local people are really suffering!!!What with the extremely rich smuggling opium out of the country on the one hand and the extremely poor,caught in all the bombing,homeless!
This country has been suffering for quite a long time now.......first the foreigners caused havoc and now,the country's own sons!!!Imagine a world where you don't know what to do next and who are the people you can trust???

This only reminds me of two of Khalled Hosseini's books I read-The kite runner and A Thousand splendid suns.....both these books played with my heart for a very very long time.....it really touched me......the way people in afghanisthan struggle....the injustice done to innocent people.....some times it really does make you wonder if God really exists!!!
The Kite Runner is a story about an Afghan boy from a rich background w3ho moves to America during the war....while A thousand splendid suns revolves around a girl who lives the life of an outcast in her childhood and later struggles with her husband,in the country itself.....
Though there is a special touch to the story and striking similarities between the two(probably because the author has written both these books based on the life of Afghans during the war and during the taliban rule.....),the two books make anybody emotional!!!even the hardest of hearts will move and reach out to Miriam......
I would have loved to quote some lines from the book,but I don't have it right now........but if you haven't read this book,it's a must-read.......

coming back to the plight of afghanistan,pathetic!!!Is this what Kaliyug is????so where is God??If this is the beginning of kaliyug....then how is it going to be in the years to come???will the whole of this world be like this???Well,i hope not!!!!but time alone will answer this question!!!

friends...................

Now that i have completed one year of college....i have so many different gangs of friends.....one from middle school......two or three from high school........friends i got through mutual friends......college mates.....bus gang.....classmates.........

Now let me tell you-maintaining the same rapport with all your friends throughout your life is an extremely difficult job( which took me a few bitter experiences to understand )......so for those of you reading this....here is what i think about continuing to be great friends.......
let your different friends know that you hang out with different friends at different times.......when you grow older it is natural to come across a lot of people who will share a lot of your views......you tend to become closer to them too......but see to it you have that one phone call atleast every week......that monthly meetings....and constant messaging goes on....this way you still get to share all your experiences and get to gossip too...... ;p

Being in groups of three can also be a problem at one stage.....one of them tends to start feeling out of place......it happens however hard you try at some point of friendship.......so whenever you feel that way,push it out of your mind and engage yourself in conversations with the other two....make yourself more visible....the general tendency of people is to isolate themselves from the other two.....remember.....your friends are also trying their level best to pour their affection on the other two equally.....and they will not understand your mindset at such times....it will puzzle them......

whatever your mindset is.....remember,friends are forever.......they share your sorrows,joys,secrets and your ice creams and chocolates too,lol......

remember your friends forever.........life can never be great without a FRIEND.......

my first blog....hee...hee....

heya!!!!!!
so this being my first blog,i thought i would really talk something general.......like.....why am i here???????
i feel blogs can be great ways to discuss things that can be really "lame"-but made interesting......i can't go on and on about certain crazy stuff....you know stuff that crops up in your mind and puff...the next minute it's gone!!!!
and another reason-i like writing- be it good or bad!!!i maintain a diary....but don't write in it everyday........i make an entry only when i am in the mood to write something or when i am really down.....like i've had a tiff with my father,or when i feel life's unfair,or when i get really philosophical(like you know life is full of sorrows and the few pleasant things you have are probably the bonuses.......that is to say that life is not a bed of roses with a few thorns....it is a bed of thorns with a few roses here and there......)yikes!!!!!now am really getting bad........one thing that really made me write journals was not my wish to go back to my thoughts on a later date.....but the fact that maybe my great great grandchildren would like to know about their great great grandma when they see my diary.....then i decided that they will probably think that i was the world's greatest moaner of all times......coz my diary is where i pour out my frustrations......you see i never am in a mood to write when i am really happy!!!!!that's exactly why i am here........coz i can write even when i am happy!!!!!LAME!!!but atleast i am writing what is running right now in my mind.....and it is definitely not my tales of sorrows.........
nice being here.......i should make my next post a little more interesting i thing.......i think it's time to say goodbye and good night!!!! now it's time to do some research on how to write blogs.....hee...hee.......tata!!!!